With everyone telling me how quick the Roth course was alarm bells should have been ringing…

Suze and I set off on Thursday morning only to find the uber efficient German motorways resembling the M25 – road works and lots of stationary traffic. Still, we knew we were close when passing a sign on the main A9 proclaiming ‘Welcome to Triathlon Region’ – very unlike Henley on Thames I dare say old boy!

Entering Roth we found it awash with banners welcoming triathletes and the ‘tri-village’ was pretty spectacular – not that I had a clue where to register!

Racking on Saturday afternoon was preceded with the usual last minute bike test – 20 meters up the car park road and there was a loud bang followed by lots of oooo’s – unfortunately all directed in my vicinity… Still rather Saturday afternoon than Sunday morning and wheel repaired, I nervously racked in what was considered ‘row Z’ – we’ll if you swim like me you will be in one of the last waves off….   (5500 competitors <> mass swim start in a narrow canal).

Sunday 3am and the alarm goes off, not that I’ve slept a wink. Getting to the race start was a doddle “ If Carlsberg organised triathlons”… Still one Policeman did have to dive out the way as I took his order to ‘turn left’ a little too literally – mind you he should expect that with GB plates!

Into the water for the 7.40 wave and the cannon went off. Cue Schoolboy error #1 – forget everything you have been taught by the Chairman and revert to short choppy strokes! Still it did protect me from a few blows to the head and allowed me to give as good as I got. Surreal moment was at about 2km in – man doing backstroke without a care in the world!!!???

Out the water in a pedestrian 1.19 but I was alive and had only swallowed 8.9 litres!

Onto the bike and beautifully smooth roads – Up to 90kms I felt good but with the temperature climbing rapidly past the mid 30s schoolboy error #2 was committed. Despite alarm bells going off in my head I just couldn’t get my nutrition down leading to the second lap becoming a battle to survive… Fortunately the kick up the a** I needed was provided by seeing a double above the knee amputee out there battling away – perspective restored I made it into T2 in 5.51 – very disappointing but more so was the thought of having to run a marathon…

After a little ‘sit down’ and cup of coke poured by a very kindly lady I was off on ‘the IM shuffle’ rather cunningly disguised as a run… By now with the weather scorching and the humidity too, the organisers managed to provide a master stroke in Chinese torture – km markers – every single one… (Except for km 20 where I could have sworn there were four in a row!) And still time for Schoolboy error #3 – with the frequent watering holes proving too tempting I couldn’t prevent myself from taking in too much fluid despite my brain again advising the opposite – on queue my ‘HFU’ moment appeared, coming the other way – same man with poles for legs…

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Humbled and head down, mercifully by km 30 the heavens opened – though even that felt hot!

Running back into Roth and I’m not sure if it was raised spirits or I was delusional but there was time for a bit of table surfing (of a fashion) much to the amusement of the general public – some loud cheers and few laughs and I was into the finishing stadium. Home in 4.10 and on my knees again – this time with no excuse like last year in Nice where I got to propose to Suze!

Total time 11.38

So was it a fast course you ask!? Frustratingly yes – the bike course is amazing but to be honest the weather played its part and I wasn’t alone in those who struggled – still hopefully some lessons learned!

As for the event – fantastic – the organisation, support and atmosphere was unreal! Definitely one to add to your to do list!