In a runaway success for the Marketing department of UK Triathlon the seemingly ironically named “Ultimate” and “Ultimate Half” (surely an oxymoron) triathlons took place at the delightfully countrified surroundings of Dearnford Lake, Whitchurch in Shropshire.

Andy Hedges and Ian Talbot both representing the Pink n’ Black Viceroy brigade slipped into the beautifully clear water at an abnormally sociable time of 9am noting with glee that the organisers had taken their floating combine harvester to the recent bloom of underwater flora. This, effectively, carved a path for all the swimmers, reducing the need for sighting so regularly as you knew that a few stray strokes off course and you would be suddenly be surrounded by more weed than at a Bob Marley house party. The other slightly new (to us) twist was the Australian exit (why Australians choose to exit and then re-enter immediately is anybody’s guess) taken on twice as part of the 3 lap, 1900m swim race which gave spectators a good heads up as to how their loved ones were faring in a very well mannered outing. Well mannered that is until the lead swimmer decided to swim right over the top of half the field as he lapped them on his final time around (in a Yeoman-esque 25 minutes !). Hedges exited the water in a Flipper like 39 mins, Talbot in a more shopping trolley like 42 mins.
The bike leg was a fabulous jaunt around 2 counties – yes, we got up into the UK new money county of Cheshire for this part – all on open roads which, in the main were very well maintained and relatively traffic free meaning that the bone jarring memories of Marlow and Henley were banished and the pedal could be well and truly put to the metal.
Fuelled by rice-balls with blueberries and golden syrup (recipe available on request) , Andy posted a 2hr 56 time for the 2 lap, hillier than advertised 90k course. Ian took a more leisurely (ahem) approach clocking a somewhat pedestrian 3 hr 19 amid protests that it also took into account toilet breaks, feed stations (mmm – Jaffa cakes) and family photo opportunities at the half way turnaround point not to mention finding time to note a particularly gory triumvirate of local roadkill on the way (squashed rat, partial fox and sunbathing badger for any avid Countryfilers among you).
It was at the end of the bike leg where the 2 Viceroys days went in vastly opposing directions – Andy entering his strongest leg of the 3 and Ian his weakest; the pair even crossing paths as Andy re-entered the Lake surrounds at the end of his first lap of 2 just as Ian was heading out of it onto the roads. Andy, comfortable on the part road, part grass but pretty flat run course proceeded to meander his way round in 1 hour 50 for the half marathon distance whereas Ian’s wheels had punctured, buckled and his time was more likely to be measured with a calendar than a stopwatch. Minor miracles do happen though and a banana/salted crisp/jelly baby combo gave a little spring to the middle portion of the race where the Talbot shuffle threatened to break into a slow jog, Ultimately resulting in a fairly geological 2 hours 19.

Andy was very pleased to cross the line in 5hrs 30mins 50seconds with no mechanical/food/hydration issues.
Ian was extremely pleased to cross the line just ahead of Rugby World Cup winner Josh Lewsey, in 6 hrs 27 mins, 16 seconds

All in all, a really well organised, well marshalled, mixed ability event – we’d both thoroughly recommend it for anyone fancying a day out oop north next year for a 70.3. Full Iron distance also an option if you’re wanting to go long.

As raced and reported by Ian Talbot